A Woman's Right to Choose: Why Do People Still Have the Need to Interfere?

You’d think that being in the 21st century is a great time for women as they have rights and freedom to do whatever they want. From choosing to have a career, vote, live on their own, and so on, women are recently given the power that they rightfully should have had a long time ago, and yet, when it comes to choosing to have a baby, people are up in arms about how women should choose. 

 

There are multiple incidents and many angry comments made by people who think that if a woman decides not to have a child, she is selfish and ungrateful. Things like “You have a uterus and you should cherish what you have.” to “Do you know how many women can't even have a baby and you’re throwing it all away?” It begs a question, if women have the right to choose, why do people still need to interfere? 

 

That type of intervention and noisiness isn’t limited to women away from the spotlight, as celebrities came out and said that their careers were possible and even easier because they didn’t want to have children. Celebrities like Katherine Hepburn, Jeniffer Aniston, Elham Shahin, Stevie Nicks, Jared Leto, Kim Cattrall, John Cena, Keanu Reeves, and many more. While the men were portrayed as responsible and wise for not wanting to have children, women were condemned for not wanting a child. This double standard and hypocrisy runs deep in society and we should ask ourselves, why do we keep intruding on someone else's life? 

 

 

 

History and Patriarchy Determining What It Means to Be a Whole Woman

 

Historically speaking, women were not given the same rights as men, from working to marriage and education. The same thing goes for having children. From a very young age, women were taught that their future is shaped based on having a husband and birthing children, and girls were given dolls that included a husband and a baby, kitchen, and home accessories, women often were trained to embrace motherhood as the only goal you should have. While there’s nothing wrong with having children or being a mother, not all women crave motherhood. Having children is no easy task, it’s a constant job and requires a lot of time, effort, and unconditional love, so when a woman isn’t prepared for it or doesn't want it, society either shames her choice or pressures her to succumb. 

 

A study made by Kristin Mmari, lead researcher for the qualitative research at the Global Early Adolescent Study, a partnership between the World Health Organization and Johns Hopkins University, shows that “Adolescent health risks are shaped by behaviours rooted in gender roles that can be well established in kids by the time they are ten or 11 years old,"  this should tell you how girls’ minds are shaped when it comes to growing up and becoming a woman as they were fed with ideologies and conventions about what they should be. Children are given dolls, kitchen sets, and dollhouses by their parents, all of which encourage them to aspire to become mothers, again there’s nothing wrong with being a mother and aspiring for marriage as long as it's not forced either literally or figuratively. 

 

 

 

Same Opinion, Different Reactions

 

 

When we speak about the right to choose, it’s mostly a woman who is the focus of the conversation, because men are given the privilege to choose not to be fathers and yet look so aware and responsible. Many men would come forward and declare that they don’t want to be tied with children or even marry because it doesn’t fit their lifestyle or their personality, and people would praise his honesty and bravery, for choosing to do the reasonable thing and not having kids or marrying if he cannot or refuses to do them. Women on the other hand would be bombarded with criticism, anger, and even hate, as people would tell them “You’re refusing god’s gift to you.” “What’s wrong with being a mother?” “You just don’t want to because you’re lazy and selfish” and so on. Keep in mind, it’s the same opinion, same choices, yet different reactions.

While men also have somewhat of a pressure to have children so they can continue the family tree and keep up the legacy, their scrutiny and cycle of shame is far less than women.

 

 

Media as a Factor in Setting Backward Messages 

 

Women are accustomed to being judged and criticized for their choices, forced to see movies about the career-driven woman (who is portrayed as a workaholic and mean)  who decides by the end of the movie that she wants to have a family and give it all up, or at least juggle between work and family. Rarely do we see a good portrayal of a career-driven woman who is nice and lovely and doesn’t change her mind and regret her decisions. After years of fighting to have rights and choose what women want, only for movies and TV shows to make content and carry messages that certain choices are more acceptable than others. 

 

 

 

Times are Changing?

 

While the constant criticism and shame women face for not having children is not a new thing, right now, there’s a shift happening in the air. Women are more fiery, determined, and outspoken, younger generations like Millennials and Gen Z are more aware and responsible, they march to the beat of their drum, and will not let anyone tell them what to do, especially when it comes to having children. These generations understand that having children is a choice and not a necessity, that having a child requires physical, financial, and mental stability, that when they decide to have children, it is their choice and they will make sure they are ready for it and their kids are being loved and taken care of. We can not say “So long the days of societal pressure.” but we can say the days of backward and outdated messages are over.