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Relationships require dedication, hard work and effort, add to that the inability to see your partner frequently or speak face-to-face and suddenly, everyday problems magnify. Albeit modern technology has made it easier for couples undergoing turbulent times when they are unable to frequently meet or are stationed in different locations due to work, study or otherwise, many struggle during the period or upon reuniting with their loved one.
A survey conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor, a healthcare service based in the United Kingdom, which is linked to giant pharmacy store chain Superdrug, found that 50% of those who decided to give long-distance relationships a shot broke up. Among those 50%, about 50% of those cited their willingness to solve issues and arguments quicker, only waiting a few hours, rather than a day or two, as a reason to their successful relationship. Among those who split up, 71% of women and 64% of men cited the reason to be the lack of progress in their relationship; they just were not moving forward, they explained.
Furthermore, a 2013 study by L. Crystal Jiang and Jeffrey T. Hancock found that “LD [long-distance] romantic relationships are of equal or even more trust and satisfaction than their geographically close (GC) counterparts,” meaning that those who break up tend to do so due to their inability to communicate or other issues. The study, however, also found that couples in long-distance relationships tend to “form more idealized relationship perceptions than do GC [geographically close] couples in the pursuit of intimacy across various interpersonal media.” Building on this, in a study conducted by Laura Stafford, Andy J. Merolla, Janessa D. Castle in 2006, the researchers found that those who were in a long-distance relationship also face the challenge of breaking up once they re-unite, concluding that among those they surveyed one-third terminate their relationship within three months of reunion.
On the positive side, those who tend to manage to stay together after going some time apart have a stronger relationship. The 2013 study conducted by researchers from Cornell University and City University in Hong Kong also found that distance can often enhance intimacy and decrease “minor psychological aggression towards one’s partner,” leaving couples in a stronger relationship than before.
To make your journey easier, Egypt Today gives you 10 tips from individuals who have gone through long-distance relationships and come out triumphant.
1- Talk everyday, even if for a mere few minutes
“I found that one of the most important things that kept my girlfriend and I connected is our ability to share the details of our day and tell each other what happened. It is important to feel that you are connected and that you are part of each others’ lives. This can be amplified by asking each other for help solving a specific conflict or issue that you are facing in your life apart from them,” Ahmed Taha, a 25-year-old who spent 11 months away from his girlfriend says.
2- Remember they have a life too but keep each other in the loop
“I think one of the things that really caused a few problems at first between me and my partner was their inability to understand that I have a life here to live and that I need to meet new people, go see the world and plain old go out. He felt insecure and jealous, and it did not help that we could not go out. Eventually, we figured stuff out. We realized that the best way for us to feel like we are there is to update each other at all times and keep each other in the loop. We would send videos and photos and share everything together; this kept us solid,” Lamia Reda, a 23-year-old who spent nine months away from her boyfriend, says.
3- Video dates are essential
“After about five months apart, my girlfriend started saying that its not fair that we are not spending any time together and that she needs us to spend more time together. We did not know what to do at first and then one day, she read this article about the importance of doing activities together even when you are miles apart: This went on to become our weekly tradition. Every week, we would pick a movie to watch together, we would get popcorn and we would watch it, while talking to each other and seeing each other on Skype. I think this kept us going,” Abdelrahman Kheidr, who is not engaged to his girlfriend after spending 18 month apart, says.
4- Talk about all that is bothering you and solve problems quickly
“I am not the type of person who likes to talk when I am upset with someone. I prefer to take some time to myself; this nearly ended my relationship with the love of my life. When I first moved away, an argument would typically lead to me switching my phone off and not speaking to her till the next day. This left her upset, feeling alone and abandoned, and it tore her that she could not reach me; this is something she shared with me reluctantly after about three months of living in different counties. My behaviour left a mark on our relationship for a couple of months after that. It was difficult for her to challenge me out of fear that I would disappear for a day and she would not be able to reach me or check-up on me; it was killing us. Eventually, she told me that we were not working out but that she loves me. When we discussed it, she shared the real issue with me and, although it took me some time, I changed my behaviour. We have been going strong since, and now I believe that if you do not speak about everything that us bothering you and solve issues quickly, they will bottle up and grow,” Omar Safey, a 27-year-old who was in a long-distance relationship for eight months, says.
5- Celebrate special days no matter what
“My husband and I spent two years apart after being married for five years. He had to relocate for work and I had to stay because I was halfway through my doctorate. It was a difficult situation. At first all was great and then we ended up growing apart. I felt alone and so did he; neither of us felt the spark anymore and we felt that we had lost love for each other. We talked and decided to work things out and one of the ways that we found to really make a difference was to celebrate the special days. Whether it was a birthday, Valentine’s, New Year’s Eve or whatever else, we planned ahead and made sure we would be together; if we could not spend it together, we would send a gift and/or a card, and we would plan for an online date. It was not ideal but it was the best we could have at the time and it made all the difference,” Sherry Mahmoud, a 35-year-old who spend two years in a long-distance relationship with her husband, says.
6- Plan enjoyable, intimate and memorable activities for when you are together
“I only got to see him every three months for three of four days at a time. This meant that I had to plan for everything. He needed to spend time with me, his family, my family and his friend, not to mention all the errands that he needed to run while being back home. I wanted to make sure that he enjoyed his time when he was with me and that we did something different to what he got to do over there, so I would plan our outings well in advance based on the things I knew he was really missing. One other thing that also helped was taking a trip to see him every few months; this made him feel like I was willing to put in the effort even though he is the one who moved away,” Manal Youssef, a 33-year-old who is happily married to her once long-distance-boyfriend, says.
7- Do not put yourself in the way of temptation
“Not having your significant other when you most need them can sometimes leave you feeling alone and vulnerable to temptation; sometimes, you are tempted to cheat or to develop an inappropriate ‘friendship’ with someone. This can tear up the very foundation on which your relationship lies and can pull you and your partner apart. Adding fuel to fire is the fact that you are away and cannot reconcile or talk about the issue face to face. Try to stay away from situations when you feel comfortable enough to become intimate with someone. I guess one other thing that is worth mentioning that if your partner gets jealous from an certain individual, you need to reassure them and try to stay away from spending alone-time with the individual in question,” Ayman Hossam, a 42-year-old who spent a year away from his now-fiancé, says.
8- Over communication will make your relationship a burden
“My current boyfriend and I spent six months apart and it drove me insane the amount of times he would call me everyday. He felt that because we were not in the same country anymore, he needed to spend hours a day calling me. I remember this one time, I was washing up in the kitchen and when I went to look at my phone, which was on silent, I found that he had called me 27 times! 27 times! It was too much for me. I told him that I cannot do this anymore; I could not speak to him four or five hours a day and that he cannot call me that many times a day. I told him that he was driving me crazy; it could have broken us, but, luckily, it did not. Somehow, he agreed, saying that he did not know what else to do. I explained that I was feeling that talking to him has become a burden and we worked it out. My advice would be, spend an hour or two maximum on the phone, anymore and your relationship will start getting on your nerves,” Hana Ahmed, a 26-year-old who spent seven months away from her now-husband, tells us.
9- Set ground rules for your long-distance relationship
“We spent a few weeks at the beginning of our long-distance relationship trying to make each other happy but miserably failing. It was going south until my mother-in-law suggesting coming up with a list of expectations akin to a list of rules of sorts to better understand what each of us wants to be able to satisfy each other’s needs. We spoke and wrote down what each of us expected, what we need from each other; through crystal clear communication, discussing what we need honestly and trusting that our relationship is not fragile, meaning we can speak about what we need and how we need the individual to act differently sometimes, we were able to make things work perfectly. We are getting married in June,” Suzan El-Abd, a 28-year-old who spent four months away from her now-fiancé, says.
10- Plan for the future together
“One thing that I learnt from my long-distance relationship with my now-wife is that we have to have hopes and dreams to look forward to. When I talk about hopes and dreams, I mean that you need to think of what you want to achieve together and your future as a couple, but also you need to include your significant other in your decisions and your future vision as well. This will give you something to make you hold on to the relationship more and will add some fluffy conversation to an otherwise too serious or too boring of a conversation. This also reduces the chances of you breaking up when you reunite,” Alaa Amir, a 26-year-old who spent eight months in a long-distance relationship with his now-wife, tells us.
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