Normally, love should bring out the best in us. Around our partners, our guards should be down; we should be at a place of peace and comfort. We should be fully aware that yes there will be moments of emotional turmoil, but you shouldn’t expect yourself to one day ask yourself ‘What am I turning into?’ to not know who you are anymore.
Each one of us has come across at least one person who’s been in a relationship where their partners have brought out the worst in them, some of us have lived this experience already. But how is it that love, an epitome of joy, ease, serenity, and safety, can turn us into a self we don’t know, a self full of anger and bitterness, and?
Let’s not blame it on love, but rather on the wrong choices we make in the name of love
Love is a basic human need, and in search of love that we’ve long missed in our lives, we go for the easiest, fastest choice of partner to fill in that void. We pick them too fast and rush into a relationship too soon for us to know whether we are actually in love with them, or we just miss the feeling of being in love, the feeling of being loved.
Then, as soon as the infatuation phase fades out, we are left with that person whom we barely took the time to know and barely gave the time to know us back on a deep level. Conflicts arise, tension fills the air, common grounds and mutual understanding become turbulent, and your partner becomes one you run away from instead of running to.
The bottleneck of becoming the worst version of yourself
You don’t feel like yourself anymore, you turn to self-destructive behavior like excessive spending, wild partying, or over-drinking as an escaping mechanism from a reality you didn’t sign up for. You become distant, detached, and out of touch, with your partner and with everything around you. You are now becoming everything you never wanted to be.
You feel irritated and infuriated by everything your partner is doing and begin to wonder whether they know you too well that they know which buttons to push or barely know you at all to know if they are in any way pushing your buttons.
Reality, more often than not, is hard to Accept
Right then and there, to make sense of all that’s happening between you two, it is all about asking yourself the right question. Is it love lost or love that never existed? Are you showing more of who you really are or are you becoming someone you barely know? Are they showing you more of who they really are or is it the shattering of the image you decided to draw of them in your mind?
In a moment of absolute honesty, ask yourself if it was even love to begin with or a false attempt in the name of love, a wrong choice out of utter desperation to find love. Sometimes the reason why we turn into someone we can’t stand becoming is really something to blame our partner for but rather ourselves, our very own choices.
Knowing your 'Why'
Some answers we don’t want to face ourselves with because some answers can shake us down to the core. But this is all part of our growth and evolvement. You are never really ready for love until you really know who you are and what you want. The reason why most of us get into the wrong relationships is because we don’t really know what we want in a partner. We don’t know whether we chose that person because we love them, or because we want to settle down and we find them the safest option.
We rush into relationships without giving ourselves enough time to understand our feelings and to make a clear judgment of where we are standing in life and what we want for the next stage. We don’t know whether they are the ones for us, or some societal and peer pressure has made us think we are in the wrong if we let that potential slip from our hands.
Coming face to face with what you need to do
This is your time to break free, not really just from the wrong relationship you’ve got yourself in, but more of the false realities you force-fed your mind with. In breaking free, you spare yourself the pain of feeling lost and not knowing who you really are and why you make these choices. You spare others the pain of investing time and emotions in a relationship that was not meant to be from the get-go. In breaking free from and accepting some realities you didn’t want to face, you find the way back to your true self.
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