No matter how isolationist you are, interactions between people are part of life. Communication and relationships are the basis of life from family to coworkers, friends, and lovers, our natural desire to interact with others is innate and vital.
Each interaction with another person has a different purpose and is built based on social norms and restrictions. Some people have different types of interaction, and there are rules to talking to someone, as not everyone shares the same level of comfort, humor, or even openness as you. So we carefully choose the way we talk and the words we pick to ensure we don’t overstep our boundaries.
Having said that, there are instances where two people meet, whether it’s a casual hangout or a possible date, when you want to know the person more, but you’re afraid of making the first move, especially for women.
Women were taught to be patient, observe, talk back, and give the other person the window for him to make the move. Even now, as we live in the 21st century, where women are more independent, vocal, and brave, societal norms hold women back from making the first move. The famous quote “if he wants to, he would” is spread around and is always said to women when they try to initiate a conversation with men.
It doesn’t matter what the context is, it could be having a casual conversation with a coworker, or with a friend, women are told to be cool, and wait for the other person to make the move. It begs the question, despite all the progress women have made in the last century, from rights, and independence to for example having Whitney Wolfe Herd, the founder, and CEO of Bumble, launch the app in 2014 with the aim of creating a comfortable and empowering online dating space for women and even making platonic friendship, why does society still hold women back from making the first move with men?
Fear of Rejection and Embarrassment
When it comes to initiating a conversation or even a simple follow on Instagram or adding a friend on Facebook, women were taught to wait and let men make the move. Societal norms have taught women to be afraid of rejection and embarrassment, that once you make the first move and you don’t get the response you were looking for, then you’ll look bad.
Fear of Looking Too Pushy or Needy
Another fear that prevents women from making the first move is being perceived as needy or too desperate. That the man will see her as too forward, looking for a relationship and pushy. And in fairness, some men tend to think that way and get the wrong idea, that if a woman makes the first move, she isn’t looking for a friendship, she wants to date and she is needy.
Fear of Being Let Down
In our minds, when we want to initiate a conversation with someone, we tend to have certain expectations of what the outcome will be. That is why sometimes women are hesitant to start a conversation with men because they are afraid that they will not be up to par with their expectations, whether that expectation is being a friend or a date.
Fear of Being Shamed
Unfortunately, society isn’t very forgiving to women and tend to react to anything she does in a negative way. In the case of making the first move, women are afraid of being shamed by men and women for being aggressive and bold, even though a conversation or having a friendship is a part of life.
So what now? From all the deconstruction of relationships and friendships between males and females, what’s the final take?
While it’s important to be cautious with anyone (women can be as dangerous as men but that’s a topic for another day) we cannot let societal norms and conventions dictate the way we act and live. We are humans with feelings emotions, and cravings for daily interactions with people. We long for joy, connection, stimulating conversations, and companionship, no matter the gender of the person. So we shouldn’t wait for someone to initiate the conversation if we feel that person is equally accepting of us and our opinions and values.
It’s important not to be too pushy, but at the same time don’t be afraid. A simple 'hello' or 'hey, isn’t going to hurt anyone. if the other person is not interested, you can simply move on, and find the person who wants to be a friend or more, depending on your choice.
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