5 Ways to Help Someone You Love Overcome Grief

When a person loses a loved one, their life is not just disrupted for a while, their life changes forever. We struggle to find the words, or things to be done, to console someone bereaved because we know that no matter what we say or do, we can’t take away their pain. In such ordeals, we over worry we might be saying or doing the wrong thing. We begin to wonder whether we are giving enough space or invading their space to grief. So what can we do?

 

1. Refrain from justifying or explaining the loss.

The first things we notice ourselves saying in these situations is ‘they are in a better place’ or 'at least they are no longer suffering’, and while this is true in the sense of having faith and surrendering to God’s will, a bereaved person in time of loss might not have the capacity to hear someone tell them that. They are sad, they are heartbroken, and they don’t know how to deal with the pain of their loved ones being gone. While said with the best intentions of comforting and consoling, sometimes that’s not what they want to hear at that time. 

 

2. Understand that grief comes in different stages. 

We operate differently in grief and it hits us in different stages. It first hits with denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, then acceptance. During each stage, a grieving person can show different emotions and behaviors and it can be uncharacteristic of who they are. All you need to do is be there, accept, don’t judge, and let them grieve.

 

3. Let them cry and don’t diminish their grief.

It has happened to most of us, trying to cheer up someone who is grieving, thinking we’re giving them a little breather or taking their mind off their pain. In fact, what you need to do is the complete opposite. Let them cry. Don’t make it uncomfortable for them by discouraging it. Think of it as a necessary part of healing or easing the pain.

 

4. Listen more, talk less.

This is not the time to speak a lot or give advice especially that in such times we might not really know what to say.  It is better to just listen and maybe give them a hug if they need it. They might be repeating themselves over and over again and you should, as someone who cares, listen attentively and actively every time. 

 

5. Give them space when they need it.

You may feel guilty for leaving them on their own in such tough times but sometimes that’s all they need. Space. Ask them if they need space and assure them you’ll be back to their side whenever they need it. You can strike a balance so you don’t make them feel totally isolated by dropping in a message or a call at times when they don’t want people around them physically. If they don’t respond back give them their time and check on them at a later time.