Feminism gets a bad rep for its negative connotations, misinterpretation, and depiction in media and in our society.
If we actually look at what feminism is and what it entails, it’s about freedom of choice, equal rights, and women's empowerment.
Unfortunately, this general message is not the message that is being sent out, as we spent a lot of time trying to distinguish what feminism is from what it isn`t, discriminating against other women’s choices, and putting down other women. One of the negative stereotypes about feminism is that they are maneaters, man-haters, and want to have all the power and leave men without any rights. There are multiple angles where feminism goes wrong, but here, we will discuss a vital element, women's empowerment regardless of their choice.
Looking back at history, we grew up with patriarchal and sexist ideas of what it means to be a woman. Be quiet, always smile, don’t be bossy, assertive, too demanding, or outspoken, and stay in your lane. The previous generations across the globe tried and were able to succeed in breaking these barriers, fighting for the right to vote, work, and have the law protecting abused women, from the 1919 revolution in Egypt when women marched next to men fighting the occupation to the rise of second-wave feminism, times up and me too movement.
The road might seem long and hard, but the changes made by previous women were significant because they were united, fighting for the exact cause. Right now, the fight isn’t over but as women, we are divided to fight each other, working women vs. stay-at-home moms, the feminine vs. the tomboy, etc. In a world where patriarchal values have been engrained into our minds, it’s a constant battle to fight these outdated values that divide women and keep on creating friction and hostility. How can we end this cycle of fighting and begin empowering women instead? First, we need to understand the mindset of each side and then we can start to work together.
Not Understanding Each Other’s POV
When women fight for equality, the chance to break free from societal norms that keep them from achieving their full potential, the message that is delivered by sexism in the media is that women are looking to take over the world, belittling men and forcing each woman to work and not be proud of her motherhood or being a wife.
On the other side, we have feminists who are trying to have the freedom of choice to do whatever they want, being told that they are not accepted, that they are a threat to masculinity, and to any woman who doesn’t want to work and their message is a violation to what it means to be a woman.
So basically, we have two sides thinking that each side doesn’t want the other to succeed, however, these perspectives and opinions were laid by the patriarchy, by the enemy who wants to tear women apart. A true feminist doesn’t care if another woman chooses to be a housewife or a mother and stay-at-home moms don’t think that working women are maneaters, both of them want to have freedom, from the freedom to choose to have kids, careers, juggling both or to do whatever she wants to do. It’s important to kill off any preconceived notions about not working together.
If we can play the devil's advocate and understand how these ideologies are being advocated by both parties, the main takeaway is about fear of losing what you want.
For instance, a woman’s insistence on encouraging other women to earn a living is rooted in the previous history, where women were not allowed to have money, where they had to be stuck in a horrible marriage or broken home because they didn’t afford to get out of this situation. So in a way, these fights or hostility towards stay-at-home moms and wives comes from a genuine place but horrible execution and bad communication between the two sides.
And when stay-at-home moms and wives explain their side of the story on why they don’t want to work, they get a hostile vibe from women that they took the easy way out, and that housework is easy labor. Stay-at-home moms and housewives feel that their choices are less superior and are being infantilized for them. The work that a woman puts in her home should be taken into consideration and valued. Just because it doesn’t have a monetary gain, doesn’t make it less valuable or appreciated.
The Pick Me/ Not Like Other Girls Type vs. Women
The battle between women and how to be a proper and desirable lady has been engraved in our minds largely thanks to the depiction of women in media. The “pick me/not like other girls” trope began to appear in movies and TV shows portraying two different women, the one who’s the male love interest, funny, intelligent, quirky and her beauty is simple AKA she doesn’t spend too much time on getting ready or talk about makeup, the other one is shallow, petty, vindicate and airhead. Women in media have been depicted as enemies, or have been portrayed as such through the lens of men. The blonde but dumb vs. the brunette and smart, the skinny vs. the curvy, and all of these women are fighting for the man’s approval.
The “not like other girls” is where women downgrade other women, who love makeup, and fashionistas, and take care of their appearance by highlighting how their ideas and practices are vain. Their way of downplaying women can be like “I don’t understand why women spend too much time with makeup” “I can never waste my time picking an outfit” etc. All of these tactics and comments made by the “not like other girls” in order to make them more appealing to men. However, these tropes are sexist, and demeaning and are made by men to divide women.
A hopeful conclusion
Right now, despite the shift and friction created, women are calling out these tropes, ideologies, and stereotypes about each other. More movies about female friendships are made, and these movies and TV series show that no matter the difference between two different types of women, they are still sisters and should be treated as such. In the 2019 movie Little Women, a quote that Emma Watson says “Just because my dreams are different than yours, it doesn't mean they're unimportant.” and that should be it.
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