If it hasn’t happened to you, you have definitely seen it happen with someone around you or a close friend; getting caught up over and over in the same toxic relationship. Some relationships are crystal clear doomed to end, and more often than not, they end in the most emotionally damaging ways ever. We know why they didn’t work the first time, why they won’t work again, yet we keep going back, again and again, caught in a vicious cycle of breakups and makeups, and along the way, inflict more pain on our hearts.
It is worth digging deep to know why we keep going back to toxic relationships even though we have contemplated, many times before, all the reasons why we shouldn’t go back. Why, even though we can relate to the emotional turmoil and the pain of getting back, insist on repeating the same mistake over and over. Sometimes, we know the reasons deep down inside, but we choose to silence this voice in our head because, to us, those reasons are harsher for us to face than the pain of a toxic relationship.
Fear of ending up alone. Not everyone does well with being alone. Many among us haven't learned how to enjoy their own company. While there is no right or wrong to it, the fear of being alone or ending up growing old alone drives us to take wrong decisions when it comes to relationships. We’d rather be with someone who gives us a hard time, mistreats us, and cause us a lot of pain, than have to endure the fearful pain of being alone.
Seeking comfort and familiarity. We keep convincing ourselves that ‘better the devil you know’. We think we’ll feel safer and more comfortable dealing with the misery and unhappiness of a relationship with a partner we know rather than having to discover the unknown with a completely new and different partner. We think it is easier to accept what we have, though not what we deserve, than start over and risk being in yet another relationship that is not meant to succeed.
Lack of Self-Esteem. As a consequence of unhealed traumas, childhood issues, and previous toxic relationships, our self-esteem takes a strong hit. We tend to forget our real worth and only perceive ourselves within a certain image created by all the bad things we were told over and over. We then think that this bad relationship we have right now is the best we can get and as good as we deserve. We falsely perceive ourselves as unworthy, and so, we carry on accepting things in accordance with a certain metric we’ve set ourselves of what we deserve.
Hating the phase of moving on. We sometimes rather stay in a bad relationship, because the pain left in our hearts when we leave is so intense. We underestimate our ability, as humans, in moving on. We think accepting all the wrong things a toxic relationship throws at us will hurt us less than a heartbreak.
In the end, we need to stop looking at a toxic relationship through rose-tinted glasses. We need to be honest with ourselves, to ask the right questions, and to dig really deep to find out why we don’t want to let go. It takes a lot of deep reflection and inward searching for us to know our real worth and what we deserve. No one deserves a partner who mistreats them, disrespects them, or puts them through a lot of pain and emotional suffering. But only when we get in touch with our emotions and understand our real value that we will be able to break free from the non-ending dilemma of toxic relationships.
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