(Book Review) ‘Kundalini’: Exploring Existence Traumas

"Kundalini" is Mirna El Helbawi’s third novel, one that explores traumas that have shaped the existence of people, from pre-birth to their current day, all from the perspective of the female protagonist who is also the narrator of the novel.

In Hinduism, Kundalini is a form of feminine energy that is said to be coiled at the base of the spine.
 

The word Kundalini comes from the Sanskrit word meaning "coiled snake." This energy can then be awakened through yoga, mantras, asanas, and meditation.
 

You may well wonder what is a Kundalini Awakening. It’s a mixed feeling of blissfulness, compassion, and empathy as well as increased creativity.

Throughout "Kundalini" the reader is taken through this “awakening’ journey, alongside the protagonist ‘Mirna’, who at the start of the novel seems to have it all, on the surface, she has a stable and well-paid job, a loving husband and a seemingly ‘happy’ home life.
 

Yet Mirna informs the reader that she suffers from chronic back pain, and is indifferent to everything around her, like a robot with no feelings or desires, to put it correctly, feelings are there but they are of resentments and hate. She loathes her job at the bank, loses her ability to write as she did once upon a time, feels estranged from her husband, and has no emotional desire.

When a colleague at work invites Mirna for a weekend retreat of yoga and meditation, she is skeptical but is soon encouraged by her husband and friends to attend this new venture as it might cure her back pain. It is there that Mirna meets Clara the yoga instructor, who plants the idea that her back pain stems from collective traumas rather than a physical reason, she suggests that Mirna join them on a retreat in Goa, India, where they can work to awaken Mirna’s Kundalini; the real cause of her back pain.
 

Though Mirna is skeptical, she is pushed or encouraged by her friend ‘Shams’ to go as she has lost her identity as well as control of her mood and feelings, following a heated argument with her husband Mirna decides to go to Goa.

It is in Goa that we begin to learn about Mirna’s past and understand where all these negative thoughts and emotions stem from.
 

She was rejected from the day she was born by her father, who like many men from the Arab region, wanted a son who would carry his name and legacy, as well as quieten his family who demanded a boy.
 

Through no fault of her own, Mirna had to live with the knowledge that her father walked out on her mother and sister because of her. That is a heavy load to carry, to know that your existence caused the break up of your family.

But this is just one, and the first of the many rejections and traumas that she will encounter, her first love as a teenager which lasted until her university days, ended abruptly and suddenly as her love interest vanished overnight with no trace or explanation, only to learn years later that he was a drug addict and his family sent him away from Egypt to recover. When she accidentally finds him on Facebook she soon discovers that her idol has become a different person and before long he has joined the terrorist group, ISIS.

We also learn that Mirna had experienced sexual harassment and abuse, both as a child and in adulthood, and on both occasions, she remained silent and never spoke out or reported the incidents.
 

The final aspect of Mirna’s suffering is betrayal, and maybe that is more raw than all the rejection, abandonment, and abuse that she had endured because she reluctantly discloses it towards the end, her husband’s infidelity.

As we end our journey with Mirna, we realize that her years of suffering in silence and suppressing all her emotions led to her loss of creativity, inability to write, and constant back pain. Once she faced all her demons and dealt with every trauma she had ever experienced, Mirna was finally free from her past.

"Kundalini" is a mix of an easy read but a deep one, as in you might finish it in one day but to understand it fully it will take you a few days or even weeks to fully grasp the way the human body reacts to life events, how the brain suppresses or deals with traumatic experience and the impact it has on our health.

There aren’t many negative points about the novel as the narrator ensures through the language and tone that she uses, the involvement and attachment of the reader. It would have made the novel slightly stronger if other characters were more developed or even better introduced, such as the older sister of the narrator, or what happened to the father after he left them and how the mother coped after the breakdown of her marriage, all these questions remain unanswered. Nonetheless, we have given "Kundalini" a rating of 8/10.

Mirna El Helbawi is an Egyptian journalist, writer, podcaster, and activist. She is the founder of Connecting Humanity, a non-profit organization that helps people in Gaza to regain access to the internet, using donated eSIMs. She was nominated for the Arab Journalism Award in 2016. Her debut novel, "Mor Methl Al Qahwa, Helw Methl Al Chocola" (Bitter Like Coffee, Sweet Like Chocolate) was published in 2018. She also hosts the podcast, Helbing.