As a baseline, it’s good to be nice, but being too nice too often will backfire at some point. The world has become such a cruel place that ‘kill them with kindness' doesn’t kill them nor please them anymore. However becoming a harsh, emotionless, and unsympathetic person will eventually turn you into a monster that everyone runs away from. So, how to keep the balance and how do you know that your niceness will begin to hurt you?
1. You end up attracting needy manipulative people. As a result of being overly nice and doing everything to please those around you, you’ll end up attracting needy people who would emotionally manipulate you to get what they want. They will often come to you only when they need something get done or need your help, and will abandon you when you need it. Choose who to be nice with.
2. Your needs are barely met. We bet you can recall months and years of being there for friends and family while you were left behind when you needed support. This is because the first time your needs weren’t met, you acted too nice about it and swept it under the carpet either out of shyness to speak out or fearing you’d hurt others. You need to focus on your needs just as you focus on those of others. Find the balance between selflessness and selfeshness.
3. Your time no longer belongs to you. Your niceness blocks you from saying no and eventually you end up being dragged into things you don’t want to do and backing out of your own plans and schedule. Don't shy away from rejecting plans that conflict with yours or even if you have freetime and you're simply not interested, it is your right to apologize politely and say 'no'.
4. You begin to periodically act out. It’s definitely expected that after all the giving, the people who come to you when they only need you, and the times you are taken for granted that you begin acting out and snapping at the most trivial things in the least expected moments. This is usually a result of a pile-up of disappointments and letdowns that you haven’t spoken about. When something starts getting on your nerves, or when you feel being walked over and not taken into consideration, draw the line.
5. You’ll be harshly blamed for that one time you didn’t give as much as you usually do. All the nice you’ve done will be forgotten the moment you decide to stop and focus on yourself a bit. You’ll be guilt-tripped into being less caring and even call you selfish. Don't fall for this trap and always make time for yourself and the things you need or love. Self-care always comes first.
The last thing we want you to do here is to stop being nice, but instead, find a healthy give-and-take balance, and know when to give and when to stop. Make it clear that your limits are not to be crossed. You should expect that people would try to push those limits further to see how much they can get away with, and if you don’t take a stand, you will be taken for granted.